2:6 Good Conversation Turned Ugly

Something has been niggling me the past few weeks, something that I just cannot seem to brush off. The origins of this irritation originate from a discussion with my friends visiting Israel over the summer.

Free flowing and effortless conversation was habitually present at evening gatherings with my English guests. It was somewhat soothing to be able to simply talk, without apprehension or discomfort, being amongst those that really understand Noodles. Comfort levels can, however, rein in comments less desired, as values become explicated in dialect. One evening in particular, the conversation was not so glorious for me. Coffee was at the usual place, banter tailed down the flow of work, career etc. And, as usual, the questions turn to the distinct member of the group, the one who made a stand in Anglo land, me. And in usual turn, I elaborated on the home/work balance in Israel, work, money etc. Continuing this, I attempted to explain my job in the financial sector in Tel Aviv. After my ramble of futures contracts, interest rate swaps and the FX market, one person, less associated to me, comments;

Bob: I don't know how anyone can do that.
Me: Do what?
Bob: A job so meaningless?
Me: What do you mean … meaningless?
Bob: Well, a job in finance … I mean, I could never do something like that with my life. I want to do something significant with my life.


And it was as a simple as that. My eyebrows clenched upwards, and I felt a blow to my stomach, or should I say a stab at my ego. I tried to dissolve my anguish and insult by jumping into a pool of verbal diarrhea, sprawling on about my hopes, intentions, dreams … And oh! Of course I have carried out volunteer work and (fluster) … I don't have many careers options in Israel! … And gosh, I can't be picky! (G-d help me)… I have a plan … I do have a plan for where my life is going … and of course it is meaningful!! The more I excused my life, the more I stumbled over my words and dug a hole the size of a pit, full of ambiguity in my affirmations.

This comment may have carried no intentions and I, undoubtedly, blew every word out of total proportion, but I couldn’t help but be insulted. The comment had hit a nerve. Maybe he had struck a cord with what I truly feel, that I have ended up in a meaningless career and, therefore, my life is, dare I say, futile?

What purpose should an occupation carry in life? Should it be the defining factor of who I am? Or, should I simply focus on clocking in and out each day, earning a wage and being able to support myself? Furthermore, is it more important, on the grander scale of things, to seek a job that entails making an impact on the world, in order to generate positive change?

Noodles – Nine to Five

I presume selfish incentives have driven the most part of my working life, beginning the moment I turned sixteen at a Central London men’s shoe store. This direction was strongly determined by my father’s mission to install the value of ‘independence’ into my outlook on life. Values of graft, hard work and pride sunk their way into the grooves of my father’s hands, and were heavily entrenched into the environment I was brought up in. I cannot deny that my upbringing was immensely soft-cushioned by the comforts established by my parent's hard slog. Yet, it did not negate the fact they were to raise me on the East End, working-class principles that dictated their young lives.

My father established a successful business, to ensure financial security for our family. Yet, his success never shadowed his ability to demonstrate qualities of humanity and selflessness. This may seem an insignificant part to nurturing the wider society, yet they had a huge impact on my outlook on the world. With these qualities having been cemented into my consciousness, I developed the awareness to care for others, and not just for my own dependents, but also for those detached from my life, and in turn, I do what I can to help others less fortunate.

The longer time I have worked, the more financial power I accrued, to be able to give to the homeless on the cold streets of London; and, the sooner I was able to finance myself to carry out volunteer work on the Israeli ambulance service in 2003. And also now, I have enough shekels in my pocket, to be able to give to the Israeli misfortunate that shelter on the dusty streets of Ben-Yehuda and Dizengoff. A significant life does not have to centre on a meaningful job, but rather the self-autonomous actions that follow, with the tools created necessary to carry out something good can be important.

Despite All This Good-Doing …

I dream of nothing else but to have job which is 'meaningful', to directly help the starving in Africa, to press for humanitarian issues in the United Nations. In such a case, I would fulfil my own happiness and satisfaction in life, knowing I was actually doing something purposeful with it.

On a slight digression, this is an insightful quote from a book I recently read:

"Happiness is not a sensation of ease and comfort. Happiness is the deeper satisfaction we find when we create: when we construct a physical object, or compose a work of art, or raise a child. We experience happiness when we have touched the world and left it better, according to the Will of the Almight. And though the work itself may be on occasion enjoyable, certain works can only be accomplished through struggle. Thus it is that happiness often resides where we find pain. And the greatest agony often presages the greatest triumph," (189, Alderman, Disobedience).

I am not supposing, following this quote, that to seek happiness with one’s life, you must establish a meaningful job in which only at the end you will seek satisfaction, as the journey will be tough. I just wonder, having read this, that despite my friend’s comments, a truly meaning life and happiness, per say, will mostly come from a life of ‘struggle’, such as raising children. It is not necessarily going to come from the careers we chose, but the true individual slog of raising a family and continuing a good-willed race.

I must say, I have always be completed baffled with what I should be striving to achieve in life. Opportunities in Israel, or more so, limited employment avenues here, have made it even more frustrating. Nevertheless, as my dad will always say, you will never know what life throws at you, so what may seem insignificant to you now, can appear a lot more purposeful in the future. I hope so ;-)