1:11 Night Owl

It is 2 o’clock in the morning and the world around me is going to bed. My day of work only began 2 hours ago and I am sat at the desk praying that heavy tiredness will sit at bay whilst the night drags on ... the wonders of night shifts … perfect timing for recapping on the week.

This week arrived with a breath of light relief. Previous days of depressively missing home settled, aided by the comment of a dear friend “Nat, we aren’t going anywhere, we will all be here when you come back”. “Please God”, I muttered under my breath. This single comment made me realise I was acting as if I was mourning a loss. Indeed I need these people in my life, yet I shouldn’t allow this physical emptiness hold me back from living amongst the ‘now’. A new week, a new perspective … Let’s hope this can continue, for now least!

The week flew along in the wind. The emotional rollercoaster continues, as feelings take leaps and dives. This week provided further insight into the bonds I have developed, and even more so, the reality of some of these bonds, as disappointment reared its ugly face once. I have learnt a great deal about myself since coming alone to Israel. I came to realise that I have lived my life up till now in a day dream, naively perceiving the people around me the way I wish them to be. However much I attempt to develop relationships here that come close to the friendships that matured over the years back home, the premise on which they are built here are different. As I have got older, I have become more selective, or rather pickier, over whom I wish to experience life with. I have been fortunate to have befriended an array of wonderful and interesting people, but at the same time, I have faced a few teething problems. I guess time will be the sole definer to the life I create for myself in Israel. This week, I have had enough laughter and satisfying moments not to care as much. The problem is I usually do, I am a sensitive ol’ cow. Luckily for me, this new week also brought a level of understanding between one of my new dear friends and I … we gave our teething problems a painkiller. Furthermore, I felt empowered by the fact that I have discovered a new found freedom of independence, I now rely less on such human interdependence … I can walk down the street holding my own hand, and if someone else wants to hold it, I won’t be waiting, but it will be my pleasure.

The night rolls on … 4.00 am. I tune into Choice Fm via the Internet … back in touch with night time grooves echoing in London town.

I spent a great part of last week in shock. Someone decided to reply to the publication of my last entry with several abusive messages. ‘Blogging’ is a means of voicing one’s opinions and thoughts via the Internet, providing easy access for others to gain an insight into what their loved ones are up to on the other side of the world. I feel this avenue provides me with the perfect means to illustrate my experiences of living in Israel to friends and family; however, this avenue was severely threatened by these messages. The person’s point was neither productive nor respectable. I guess that being a Jew and living in Israel meant politics was bound to rise to the surface of my illustrations … However, this colour in the painting was washed out … such experiences have been swallowed up and will now be left to journalists to cover in the news arena. It is a shame that I should be silenced by such commentary, as some hollered at me “… are you mad, don’t let them scare you, say what you wanna say”. I guess I want a simpler life and to not antagonise others. So, future blogs will remain as neutral as they can, whilst avoiding political confrontation (sorry Leila).

5.54 am, eyelids heavy … feeling sick from the tortia chips and humus I have been munching. Adam pops on line and I am welcomed with a “Hey Sexy!” Adam is one of my dearest friends from back home, his presence via the internet brings a sense of warmth over me.

The rest of night fizzles out into a blur. 7.30 am rolls around and I am off to bed … goodnight and sweet dreams XX.

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“Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies” – Aristotle.

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art … It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival” – C.S. Lewis.